The Sins of the Fathers…

by Patricia Wokurka

            My title comes from Euripides (480 – 406 B.C.). The full text is “the gods visit the sins of the fathers upon their children.” When I was about twelve years old, my father was having a Boy Scout leaders’ meeting at our house and I heard him say this, but I didn’t understand what it meant until I became a parent myself. As a parent, I have learned that I have to be careful of what I do and say with my children because every decision I make will affect them. If I don’t provide the proper discipline, then they can become out of control; but if I am too punitive, I can make them angry and violent. If I’m not there to listen to them when they have a problem, they may turn to someone who will listen but who provides them with inappropriate answers to their questions. In other words, the “sins” that I commit as a parent will affect my children’s futures as adults.

            In recent years, we have seen a growing number of incidents of violence among our young people. Whenever these stories are broadcast in the news, we hear the same outcry from the adults in our society:  “It’s the movies, music and video games that children have that make them violent.”  They begin demanding more and more sanctions to control the entertainment media. But that is not the first thought that goes through my mind when I hear one of these stories. I begin to ask myself what that family or community did–or didn’t do–to create those violent children. Despite what the U.S. government, the news media, and various organizations would like us to believe, the real causes of youth violence are not movies, music, and video games. To find the real influences that make our youth violent we must look into the American home, educational system, and social system.

            We all remember those hours watching the tragic events in Littleton, Colorado unfold on April 20,1999. I remember watching the news people showing the same video building over and over again for hours that day of those frightened students running from the school. I listened to the witnesses’ terrified stories of what was happening inside the building and watched as the sheriff’s officers tried to rescue the survivors. I sat frozen to the television while this American tragedy played itself out. For days afterwards, I listened to the terrible descriptions of what happened inside the school and what kind of persons those two boys, Harris and Kleibold, were. And I listened in shock as everyone from the president on down began blaming the movies, music, and video games that Harris and Kleibold had access to for their violent spree at Columbine High School.

            After that tragic day in spring, President Clinton demanded that sanctions be placed on violent media because he and many parenting groups believe that it has a detrimental influence on America’s young people. In every corner of our country, thousands of supposedly concerned adults have taken up arms against these industries and are demanding more and more censorship. They are pulling out studies that they say prove that violent media causes violent reactions in our young people and this media must be stopped. But what are these studies really proving?

            The study that is most often used to prove that media causes violent responses is one done many years ago by Dr. Ed Donnerstein and Dr. Dan Linz. In their study, a group of adult males were shown hours of video on the subjects of violence and sex. After watching these videos, the men filled out a questionaire that asked if they felt as if they were capable of committing a rape after watching the films. Many of the men answered yes to the questions. Thus, the doctors concluded that violent video, especially sexually violent video, caused rape. The researchers say that the sexual violence desensitizes men to the plight of rape victims and makes them potential rapists (Fischoff).

            Dr. Stuart Fischoff and I have a problem with this study. In his address before the American Psychological Association, Dr. Fischoff argues that such studies are not empirical evidence that violent media causes violent behavior. He goes on to explain that there have been no post-exposure studies to show that the men who watched these videos then went on to commit rape. In fact, the researchers admit in later studies that the desensitization that the videos cause only lasts for about twenty minutes after the subjects stop watching the videos (Fischoff). These studies also fail to question what the subjects’ attitudes were about sex, rape, and violence before they watched the videos. And no studies have been done using subjects who have committed rape or assault. That would be unethical. In fact, research guidelines prevent a true study of the connection between violence and media because it would endanger both the subjects and the public. And to assume that these limited studies prove a connection between media violence and real violence is unprofessional.

            There have been over a thousand such studies in the last fifty years, most of them only on adults, and none of them have proven conclusively that media causes violence. Since the incident at Columbine, there have been many researchers who have actually spoken out against the clamor to censor media. Dr. Henry Jenkins, director of MIT Comparative Media Studies Program, testified before the senate that no research proves a connection between the movies, music and video games that Harris and Kleibold watched and the violence they committed. One senator accused him of working for the “Dark Side,” and the rest of the senate mocked and booed him off the floor (Fischoff). There are others who have tried to bring to the attention of the American public the facts that both of the boys involved in Columbine had histories of aggressive behavior, criminal records, and that Harris was seeing a psychologist and on medication for depression. Dr. Fischoff himself was told by both CBS and NBC news that they did not want to use him on their morning programs after the Columbine incident because he was going to speak out against those who were calling for censorship in the media.

            There is a long list of psychological professionals who have been speaking out for years that media and violence are not connected, but they have been censored. Many of these same professionals have been crying out for reforms in other areas that they have found conclusively do cause violence in our young people. The one area that all of them agree where reforms need to start is in the home with parents and guardians.

            There was an interesting study done on elephants about twenty years ago of which many child psychologists took notice. It seems some researchers separated several young bull elephants from the rest of the herd. These young “men” were set free in an area of an animal reserve that had no adult elephants. In a very short time, these young bulls began to destroy everything they came across. They even began to attack each other, trying to dominate their small herd. The researchers then introduced an adult male into the herd. Within a very short time, this “father” succeeded in pulling the young bulls into line and had them behaving like normal young elephants. Child psychologists have seen this study as a profound peek into the importance of parents to the proper development of a child (Fischoff).

            Psychologists know that most of a child’s personality is developed in the first five years of life. During those years parents are the primary teachers. Children look up to their parents as their primary guide to the world. If parents are loving, giving, and supportive, children will grow up with those elements as the foundation of their personalities. But if the home is full of violence, anger, and selfishness, then that is what children will take out into the world. We all know that abused children grow up to become abusers themselves (Kashani). Jerry Springer and Jenny Jones have done hundreds of shows on the subject, to the point that many people are tired of hearing about it. But the truth is that most violent youth come from homes where violence and criminal behavior are common factors. In fact, children are in more danger in their own homes than they are anywhere else. Every three days, more than sixteen children die at the hands of parents and guardians in this country (Schiraldi).

            But there are other forms of abuse that parents can use on children that can cause irreparable damage. Some parents run their homes like miniature military camps. They are overly harsh and threatening and dole out punishment at the slightest provocation. These parents believe that by keeping their children on a “short leash” they are teaching them to control their baser instincts. The truth is that these drill sergeants are actually causing their children to become rebellious and angry. Eventually those pent up emotions have to come out, and many times they are released in the form of violence toward others (Kramer).

            At the other end of the spectrum, we have the parents who don’t maintain any control over their children. These parents are many times so involved with their own selfish lives that they never have time for the children they gave birth to. They often give their children material things, such as video games, computers and televisions, in place of their time and attention. These “latch key” children are often left unsupervised for hours every day. I have found that it is often these delinquent parents who are doing the shouting for censorship. They are demanding that the government do their parenting job for them. They want the television, radio, movie, music, and gaming industries totally whitewashed so that they can still leave their children home alone and not feel guilty. They never stop to think that if they would just stay home occasionally and spend some quality time with their children they would not have to worry as much or feel guilty.

            Many of them insist that they have to work to keep a roof over their heads and food in their mouths, that they don’t have time to spend with their children. I have been a single mother ever since my three children were very young. I have had to work and go to school, yet I have always had time for my children. My children always knew what my schedule was and I had a mobile phone on me at all time so that they could call me if there was something wrong. I also had family time every night before bedtime. That was when we all got together and one of us would read a chapter from a book. Family time was also when anyone could talk about any problems they had during the day. I have had none of the problems that I hear other parents complain of, and my children listen to Marilyn Manson, watch horror movies, and play mature video games. In fact, I do all of these same things myself and none of us are violent or have criminal records. It is interesting to note that movies in other countries, such as Japan, are much more violent than American movies, yet the youth violence rate in these other developing countries is almost nonexistent (Diaz).

            But home is not the only place that our children learn violence. Many of them learn it in school along with their reading, writing, and math. Our schools have become mini-prisons and the inmates are starting to fight back. In their efforts to keep discipline and prevent more Columbines from happening, many schools have taken a no-tolerance stand on violence. But I don’t think that these schools have thoroughly thought out the consequences of such a policy. These overly harsh school environments can have the same effect on children, as do overly harsh parents. The children will begin to feel angry and frustrated and start lashing out in rebellion. Many of our schools are seeing an increase in bullying incidents because the children are finding the conditions unbearable and are starting to crack (Kashani). If you add into this already tense environment children who are experiencing abuse at home, you have a disaster in the making. Another factor to this mix is that many of our schools, especially those in our inner cities where youth crime is at its highest, are overcrowded and poorly funded, and many experts are surprised we haven’t had more incidences like Columbine (Kashani).

            This no-tolerance policy is leading to another problem. Suspensions and expulsions are being used as the most common forms of punishment by our schools. This means that for however many days the administration sees fit to give them, these children are not in school. This puts these students behind on their class work, which they must then make up when they are allowed back into the school. Many of these children are already struggling to keep up with the class work. Eventually, these children will become frustrated and either begin to create more of a problem in the classroom, or they will just drop out (Kashani). Many of these children will never complete their education and will eventually become a burden on our poorly funded social systems, either as welfare recipients or wards of our over-crowded prison system.

            But our social system doesn’t treat our youth any better than their families or schools do. In many cities there are very few programs for young people. Some cities have begun to shut down community centers because they feel that they are not worth the money spent on them. Here in Omaha, the mayor has been trying to close the Lafern Williams Center for years because he does not want to spend city money to fund their activities programs. The interesting thing is that whatever the city does put into supporting the Lafern Williams Center is matched by federal funding. Sadly, many of these community centers are the only safe havens for our young people. Other cities have stopped any funding for before and after school programs or Head Start programs. Many of these programs help keep our low-income children off the streets and safe until mom or dad gets home. Many community leaders, most of whom are well to do, don’t feel that the money is worth spending. It also seems interesting to notice that very few of our community leaders and parenting groups start demanding reforms until the crimes are committed in suburban areas such as Littleton, Colorado (Kramer). There is youth crime committed every week in our inner cities but no one seems very concerned about it. That is why so many cities now have to spend millions each year on anti-gang task forces, juvenile detention centers, and prisons. When children have nowhere else to go, many of them turn to gangs as an alternative to their disfunctional families.

            Dr. Milton Rokeach conducted research that suggests humans always seek out the company of others, and especially those who will support their own point of view. This can be a positive thing if what you like is growing flowers. But many young people are angry at the world because of the inequality in their lives. These young people will seek out others who hold their same point of view. This was the case for the Lords of Chaos. These three young men went on a destructive spree in Ft. Meyers back in 1997. After twelve hours they had caused hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of damage, assaulted dozens of innocent people, and ended their spree with the killing of their school music teacher. When the boys were caught and questioned, two of them insisted that all of it was the master plan of the eldest boy. He alone had chosen when and where they would strike. The other two boys had become his followers because they all had been bullied in school and they had similar hatred for the system (Fischoff).

            Peer group studies have been going on for years, and they all show that humans will do things they wouldn’t normally do when they are in a group. Children who would never think to commit a crime will do so when they are with a group of other children who are willing to commit crimes. Gangs are becoming an epidemic in our inner cities because of the breakdown of the family, educational, and social systems in these areas. Children choose the gangs as their surrogate families. In some cases, the gangs feed them, clothe them, and protect them better than their real families. So it is no wonder that the children begin to take on the values of these gangs (Kashani). There have been some interesting prison studies over the years that prove that when people are put into violent social environments even those not normally inclined to violence will begin to show violent tendencies (Fishchoff).

            A disturbing factor behind much of this disfunction in our country is the single-minded pursuit of the “American Dream.” We live in a society that worships individual material success above all else (Kramer). It is the reason parents don’t have time for their children, why communities shut down Head Start programs which are not for profit, why cities build more mini-malls than they do schools, and why we hear stories of children assaulting other children to steal their expensive tennis shoes. We make heroes out of people like basketball player Dennis Rodman who is known for his antisocial and violent behavior. He is idolized by thousands because of his financial success. We have become a selfish, insensitive, egotistical, hedonistic society that is only interested in their own happiness even if it is at the expense of others. Yet for all this interest in financial success, America still has the highest poverty rate and largest class gap of any developing country (Kramer). This means that most of us will never reach the level of financial gain that we are aspiring to. That all of our hard work and neglect of our families is for nothing. But many of us are trapped in the system like rats on a wheel; we just keep running in circles and are getting nowhere. So what can we do to break out of the wheel?

            To begin the healing process, we have to turn around and start focusing our time and effort on our families instead of our mindless pursuit of the “American Dream.” If there are problems in the family, you must actively seek counseling. The AACAP (American Academy) has provided a simple list of guidelines for parents who are truly concerned about their children:

1. Pay attention to what your children are interested in. Take time to listen to their music, watch their movies, and even try to play their games. You can learn a lot about your kids from what they’re interested in. Spending time listening to my kid’s music has been the start of some of our most interesting conversations.

2. Set limits. Rules are always necessary when you are raising children. But don’t be inflexible. Be willing to discuss the rules with your children. I found that when my children were involved with making the rules they were more willing to abide by them.

3. Enforce the rules. When your children break a rule, don’t keep warning them and putting off the punishment. You must be willing to dole out the punishment when the crime is committed. But make the punishment fit the crime and don’t overreact.

4. Know your kids’ friends. This is really important. You can learn a lot about who your kids are by knowing who they hang out with. It also wouldn’t hurt to get to know the parents of these kids.

5. But the most important thing of all is listen to your children. They are actually very intelligent and, even though they may not have the benefit of your years of experience, they know what they like and dislike. They also have problems like us and need to work them out with someone. Wouldn’t it be better if they brought their problems to you instead of a stranger?
            There must be social programs that can train parents how to become better parents. Many of these programs should include problem solving and anger management training (Kashani).

            We must insist that our school personnel and healthcare workers be trained to spot abused and troubled children (Kashani). They need to make every effort to intervene when there is a problem detected and get these children the help that they need (Kramer). We need to delegate more funding for our educational programs. Communities need to invest money and time into human resource programs and expand the community centers for our young people (Kashani). Our government needs to provide generous, universal social services such as child and health care for our citizens who are disadvantaged (Kramer). Our government should also begin enforcing child-support laws and seriously punishing those who do not provide for their children (Kashani).

            There are two programs that have been found to reduce violent behavior in our young people. The first is called Multisystemic Therapy (MST) and it has been the more successful of the two programs (Kashani). Under MST, every element of the child’s environment is evaluated. The social worker then tailors the program to meet the individual needs of that particular child and his/her family. The social worker involves not just the family members but neighbors and teachers in the therapy. In this way, any problem in the child’s life can come to light and be dealt with.

            The second program is called First Step to Success. This is a three-month training program for kindergarteners and their families. Everyone involved is taught anger management and conflict resolution with an emphasis on non-violent solutions. This program has worked wonderfully in the inner cities where violence is a serious problem (Kashani).

            Youth violence is a problem that is not going to go away over-night; it has been with us for centuries, but it is a problem that can be corrected. It is going to take some serious re-evaluation of what is really important to us as a society. And it is going to take a lot of work to undo all the damage that has already been done. Children are the mirrors held up to us that will always reflect what we don’t really want to know about ourselves. If you don’t like your reflection, then only you can change it. Like my father and Euripides said, “The gods visit the sins of the fathers upon the children.” I think it’s time we all asked for a little redemption and “Go out and sin no more.”

Works Cited

American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. Children and TV Violence.
            <http://www.patenthoodweb.com/parent_cfmfiles/pros.cfm?n= 247>. 20 Mar, 2001.
Diaz, Tom. “Report on Violence in the Media and Children.”
            FDCH Congressional Testimony, 13 Sep, 2000. Academic Search Elite. 
            32y20009200004456. Online. EBSCO. <http://www/epnet.com>. 
            10 Apr, 2001.

Fischoff, Stuart, Ph.D. “Psychology’s Quixotic Quest for the Media-Violence Connection.”
            Address to Annual Convention of American Psychological Association, 
            Boston, 21 Aug, 1999. <http://www.calstatela.edu/faculty/sfischo/violence.html>.
            20 Mar, 2001.

Kashani, Javad H., Michael R. Jones, Kurt M. Bumby, Lisa A. Thomas. “Youth Violence:
            Psychosocial Risk Factors, Treatment, Prevention, and Recommendations.”
            Journal of Emotional and Behavioral Disorders, Winter 1999, Vol. 7 Issue 4,
            p200, 11p. Academic Search Elite. 2574784. Online. EBSCO. 
            <http://www.epnet.com>. 10 Apr, 2001.

Kramer, Ronald C. “Poverty, Inequality, and Youth Violence.” 
            Annals of the American Academy of Political and Social Science, Jan 2000, 
            Vol. 567, p123, 17p. Academic Search Elite. 2654581. Online. EBSCO.
            <http://www.epnet.com>. 10 Apr, 2001.

Schiraldi, Vincent. “Juvenile Crime.” FDCH Congressional Testimony, 8 Mar, 2001.
            Academic Search Elite. 32y20019200002954. Online. EBSCO. 
            <http://www.epnet.com>. 10 Apr, 2001.